Let’s take a moment to laugh
at loveleemonicaa, with loveleemonicaa. Warning, this contains obvious spoilers as well as unbelievable content.
My brother and I have always had a great relationship, people are often surprised when they find out how close we are. But, I’m not here to paint a perfect picture. We are still siblings, we still fight. There are things he has done that are unforgivable. There are things I have said that are unforgivable…well, until now.
- I learned how to play the clarinet on Howard Shore okay. Instead of learning my etude for the week, I made sure I knew how to play Concerning Hobbits.
- I played all the Play Station 2 games with my brother growing up. I never said I was good at them…wait a minute…okay that makes sense…I now realize why he stopped asking me to play.
- While some girls had posters of pop stars, I had a Legolas poster in my room because I was sure that we would one day be together. I mean it made sense, he’d live long enough for us to finally cross paths. (I was too young to appreciate the beauty of a man that was Aragorn okay, I now know I chose poorly back then. But, man those fishtail braids…Mm.)
- I was tired in college. Who wasn’t? Can’t you relate? See. I’m making sense already.
I liked Lord of The Rings. That’s the important part here. Then, something unforgivable happened. I blame it on The Hobbit.
Before you continue reading, I want to stress the importance of forgiveness.
MONICA and DANIEL are about to watch a trailer for The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey for the first time together.
MONICA is exhausted from her college course load, dressed in her Star Wars pajama pants, she yawns as the ad (before the ad) plays.
DANIEL is extremely excited for this moment, his eyes glued to the screen in anticipation.
The screen darkens and the preview starts rolling. It fades into an image of a volcano. (There is a lot of volcano footage.) The trailer ends.
MONICA: Wow. (Pause.) Seriously?…I mean what’s with all the volcano footage?
(DANIEL stares at MONICA in a nervous state, eyes squinting, awaiting the damage that’s about to be done.)
DANIEL: What do you mean Mon?
MONICA: (Sarcastically, rolling her eyes.) Talk about a “Teaser Trailer.” (Pause.) They literally didn’t show anything.
Just a bunch of volcano footage–
(DANIEL braces for impact.)
I mean, come on. There’s not even a volcano in Lord of the Rings.
(DANIEL is paralyzed. The only thing he’s able to move are his eye balls. Straight daggers into MONICA’s soul, as if the eye of Sauron himself was present. He takes a deep breath as he tries to gather his thoughts.)
DANIEL: Mon. (Pause.)
MONICA: (Oblivious.) What?
DANIEL: (Slowly.) What. Did. You. Just. Say?
MONICA: There’s not even a volcano–
(DANIEL interrupts abruptly, shaking his hand back in forth, almost full Nae Nae.)
DANIEL: (With gusto, pretty much out of breath, yelling? Yeah, yelling.) MON. THE ENTIRE POINT OF THE LORD OF THE RINGS IS GETTING TO MT. DOOM–WHICH IS A VOLCANO–TO DESTROY THE RING. IT’S LITERALLY THE ENTIRE PLOT AND THE ONLY PLACE WHERE THE RING CAN BE DESTROYED. THE VOLCANO MON, (DANIEL shakes his head and closes his eyes.) LIKE IT’S THE WHOLE POINT. DESTROY THE RING IN THE VOLCANO. THE VOLCANO MON.
(MONICA’s eyes widen slowly as she realizes what she just said. She stops breathing for a moment, tries holding back nervous laughter. She is now the one paralyzed. She curls her lips back inside her mouth and closes her eyes, bows her head. She knows there is a punishment ready to be laid on her. She uncurls her lips and tries to speak, but nothing comes out. Her lips are now frowning, her shame vivid.)
MONICA: (Embarrassed, trying to soften the blow.) Ohhhhh. (Pause.) Right. Right…Mah bad.
DANIEL: (Short.) Get out.
MONICA: (Laughing, nervously.) But…Daniel!
DANIEL: (full Sméagol) LEAVE. NOW. AND NEVER. COME. BACK.
I know this really isn’t helping my case on what it means to be a Hufflepuff. And I apologize to my Huffs out there, truly, I am so, so sorry. Please forgive me.
- I was banned from making any Lord of The Rings references for 4 years. No meme, gif, nothing. (This. Was. Brutal. Within the English language, I speak in the sub-languages of Movie/TV references and sarcasm.) I was allowed a couple of “One does not simply…” every now and then because they were just too good, the counsel, aka my brother, said “I’ll allow it.”
But for real. I can’t just explain Les Misérables to you, it’s more than just Vive la Révolution, okay. (Omg look it’s Lord Stark as Boromir!) Daniel hates it when I mix worlds, so that was just for him.
- It was written that I was to re-watch all three Lord of The Rings movies without falling asleep or asking questions…but the extended versions. That’s about 10 hours of Lord of The Rings footage. Lord (of the rings) help me.
- Finally, if I completed this, I would get one thing in return. In exchange (as leverage), I was promised that Daniel would finally watch the show that was made for him, #MozartInTheJungle.
- This is fairly new, so I have it in writing here, to make sure he follows through.
- Also, the new iPhone update now has a very well drawn volcano emoji, I can’t believe my brother went that far…but seriously, who does he know at Apple? Anyways, I’m supposed to use it at least once a week now, so sorry if I start including that emoji in my texts. You have been warned.
I know, our fights are pretty intense. You should watch us try and decide what toppings to put on our pizza. I’m sure our neighbors think we are insane, hearing two people yell ingredients at each other like it’s Hell’s Kitchen, but it’s really just ordering pizza…I’m actually surprised there hasn’t been a noise complaint.
You are now up to speed.
I documented the moment in our relationship where it was time to repent and exercise my final penance.
As we prepared the offering, I put my hand on the extended edition of Fellowship and repeated after Daniel:
“I Monica, know there’s a volcano in Lord of the Rings. And will know this, from this day forward.”
In an amendment to the above clause for watching all extended editions, I was allowed to live tweet my experience. Check it out.
I am happy to report that I have completed my penance…
Lovelee is free!!!
(And she still likes Lord of the Rings.)
Forgiveness. Forgive your sister, for the things she’s said that hurt you in the past. Always remember that the love for your siblings is evergreen, but take responsibility and honor them with the correct form of apology when you are in the wrong. However long it takes for them to forgive you (hopefully not 4 years) for what you have done. They will one day forgive you. Because deep down they know you didn’t mean any harm, you knew better, you were just tired and said something hurtful.
Who knows, maybe I’ll take my own advice. Maybe one day I’ll come to terms with the fact that my brother broke my Anastasia Jewelry Box and I cried for days. My most prized possession from SANTA CLAUS.
Maybe one day.